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TIM'S COLUMNS IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
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Watch Out! They're Here!
TIN HEADS
A new eBook from MBA Press by Tim Bryce |
Click for free PREVIEW EDITION
(PDF file - requires Adobe Acrobat Reader)
Preview includes TOC, Foreword,
Introduction and first Episode
From all outward appearances, Fox Hollow Elementary is a typical public grade school nestled in southwest Connecticut, West Norwalk to be precise. The school was built in the 1960's and surrounded by picturesque flora. Playgrounds and baseball fields are adjacent to the school for the enjoyment of the students. The school's administrative staff and teachers tend to a student population of about 700. There is also an active PTA group which supports the school any way possible. For 75 years, the school operated peacefully and produced a fine crop of students. Unfortunately, there was one element threatening the harmony of this otherwise model school, bullies. Recent changes in the local economy caused a shift in the demographics. New York executives who normally commuted to and from the city by train began to move away as real estate prices fell, thereby allowing more blue-collar workers to move into the area. With them, came changes in attitudes and values of both parents and children. Whereas, Fox Hollow had been known for students who stayed out of trouble and focused on academics, now a new unsavory element was introduced to the school. Teachers began noticing such things as cheating on tests, disorderly classrooms, disrespect for authority, and discipline was turning into a big problem. Only until recently, Stevie Stamas loved his school, but as the persona of the students changed, his interest began to decline. The fifth grader was the only son of Rachel Stamas, a single mom who tried to raise Stevie the best she could after her husband, Army PFC Nickolas Stamas perished in a military training exercise at Fort Hood. Stevie didn't know his father other than through pictures and the stories his mother told about him. Other than this, Stevie suffered from the lack of positive male role models. Rachel was sensitive to this, and was concerned he would become a "moma's boy." Consequently, she gave him a list of chores to tend to around their modest sized house, such as mowing, raking, sweeping, and cleaning gutters. He became rather handy with tools as a result of his responsibilities. Physically, Stevie was just an average sized kid of Greek extraction who was rather quiet and kept to himself. Although his interpersonal relationships with his teachers was fine, and his participation in the classroom was good, he tended to be somewhat timid around strangers and some of the thugs that now attended his school. Aside from his chores and schoolwork, Stevie's passion was boxing which he followed regularly on television. His hero was Bam-Bam Doggins, the world heavyweight champion from Chicago who was an animal in the ring, yet articulate outside of it. Stevie studied everything he could about the champ and even went so far as to write a fan letter to him in Chicago. In turn, Bam-Bam's staff sent him an autographed photo which Stevie treasured and carried with him constantly. This only fueled his fascination with the boxer and Stevie began to devour his boxing statistics, such as the number of KO's he had, number of rounds, the average number of jabs and hooks he would throw in a match, both left-handed and right, etc. Eventually, he became a walking text book on the fighter. He would also shadow box in order to emulate his hero, but being just ten years old, he looked rather clumsy. While at school, Stevie kept a lookout for three toughs who traveled together and did their best to make life miserable for anyone who got in their way; Fencick "Smitty" Smith, Donny "DT" Terwilliger, and the ringleader, Bobby Andrews, who relished his nickname of "Bad Ass." Smitty was a stocky kid with long hair, but short on brains, primarily due to the amount of drugs he smoked daily, something he regularly stole from his older sister in high school. DT was a skinny kid who liked to wear anything black. He was on so much medication for personality adjustment, he twitched while standing still. Most of the students thought his shaking was caused by alcohol withdrawal, hence his nickname "DT." Bad Ass was a different cut than the others though, he was just a sadistic little shit who found pleasure causing pain to others, probably because his drunken father would cuff him around at a moment's notice. His favorite pastime was to tie firecrackers to live frogs and small rodents and blow them up. Collectively, the trio was about as bright as a 25 watt light bulb which is why they liked to hang out together. Stevie was a favorite target for the bullies who would regularly shake him down for his lunch money or try to provoke a reaction from him. This bothered Stevie greatly and he began to develop a speech impediment which led the bullies into nicknaming him, "Stammerin' Stevie." Bottom-line, Stevie was terrified of the trio, particularly "Bad Ass" who took great joy in picking on him. He would knock his books off his desk, trip him in the hall, or deliberately bump into him to see what Stevie would do. One time, while in the boys room, Bad Ass pulled Stevie's pants down while he was at the urinal in front of several classmates waiting their turn in line. Stevie was so embarrassed by the incident, rarely would he go to the school bathroom to relieve himself anymore. Stevie often complained about the bullies to his teachers, but they could never catch them in the act of doing anything to him. He complained so often the teachers began to suspect Stevie was crying wolf. Even though his mother kept a sharp eye on Stevie's safety, she began to become skeptical as well. This frustrated Stevie greatly and caused him one day to open up to his next door neighbor. Jim Bolton and his wife Shawna had moved into the neighborhood just a year earlier. The couple was now in their early 40's and both worked at their Tin Head franchise in neighboring Darian. Unfortunately, Jim and Shawna had never been able to conceive children which pained them both, but also explains why both had a fondness for Stevie. Jim was quite a handyman, and Rachel would often ask him to help with minor repairs around the property. He was glad to help out with Stevie as his assistant, and the two slowly built a positive relationship. Jim was smart enough to know he couldn't replace Stevie's father, but knew he could be a good sounding board for the boy and hopefully provide him with a good masculine role model. As Stevie's problems with the bullies escalated, he finally opened up to Jim and asked what to do. Jim advised him not to go looking for trouble, but knowing Bam-Bam Doggins was his hero, recommended he learn some self defense in boxing. Bolton bought some boxing gloves and the two practiced sparring in the garage. Stevie learned to move and avert a blow but his punch lacked strength and confidence. No matter how he tried to strike, his punch lacked substance. Regardless, Jim figured the lessons were worth it if for no other reason than to teach Stevie how to basically defend himself. Beyond boxing, Jim began to realize the boy lacked confidence, and so he embarked on a program to build his self-esteem. He began by paying Stevie to help him clean out his garage. In the process, Jim taught him the various tools stored in the garage as well as safety issues. Using scraps of wood and other materials, the two built a go-cart which Stevie could race down the cul de sac in his neighborhood. Over time, Jim would pay Stevie to mow his lawn. It wasn't a big lawn but it gave Stevie the opportunity to assume some more responsibility. Besides, he got to drive Jim's riding mower which he enjoyed very much. Stevie's attitude was beginning to improve. So much so, Jim asked him to work down at his Tin Head franchise cleaning up trash and performing menial tasks. Stevie found the Tin Heads fascinating. There were dozens of Home units in the store where Jim's operators would assist customers. Stevie got to know a lot of the operators who looked upon him as a sort of mascot for the store. He was also good with customers and became familiar with the regulars who used Tin Heads to go to and from work assignments. By studying the operators, Stevie began to understand how the units worked. Jim even took him on a free Tin Head ride to see the Grand Canyon in Arizona. The size and majesty of the Canyon, particularly from the Sky walk, was inspirational for Stevie and fueled his desire to learn more about Tin Heads. Back at school, Stevie's confidence was growing but he still kept a distance from the three stooges. Nonetheless, they finally cornered him near his locker in the school hallway. "Where you been Stammerin?" asked Bad Ass, "You been ignoring us?" Stevie was caught off-guard and just glared back at him in surprise. Smitty and DT crowded around him and began looking through his locker and pockets. "Get away from me!" Stevie protested. "What you going to do? Rat us out? We know how to handle the teachers," replied Bad Ass as he breathed heavily on Stevie with a pungent breath laced with garlic. "You haven't given us any money for lunch in quite a while," DT interjected, "Come on cough up." "Yea, cough up," Bad Ass repeated and pushed Stevie against his locker. "You better watch out or I'll tell my friend about you," Stevie protested while still concocting a plan of escape. "Who's your friend? Probably some dip I'll bet." Stevie's eyes flashed before blurting out, "Bam-Bam Doggins, just the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, that's who." "Ha-ha-ha" the three bullies laughed, "You know the Champ? Right. He knows little Stammerin' Stevie. Ha-ha-ha." "But I do know him, I even have a signed picture of him. I'm telling you we're old friends," Stevie was now speaking in half-truths hoping Bam-Bam's name alone would intimidate his adversaries. "What picture do you have, smart ass? Prove it." Stevie reached into his locker and produced the signed photo of Bam-Bam which he kept between his books. Bad Ass quickly snapped it away from him and read the inscription, "It reads, to Stevie - don't drop your chin. All the Best, Bam-Bam Doggins." "This is nothing but some cheap promo photo. I'll bet it's not even his signature on it," Bad Ass shot back. "It is too," Stevie said and reached for the photo only to be pushed back and pinned against the locker by Bad Ass. "Look stupid," Bad Ass said with a nasty look, "We don't care who you think your friends are, you better start listening to us if you know what's good for you." And with that, Bad Ass took the photo and ripped it into small pieces before Stevie's eyes. "NOOOO!" Stevie exclaimed as he tried desperately to stop Bad Ass. His blood boiled at the outrage but was hopelessly outmatched by the three bullies. "Look," Bad Ass threatened him, "Next time, you better have some more lunch money for us. And if you don't, we're going to squeeze you into your locker." Bad Ass released his grip on Stevie and the trio withdrew.
Stevie was devastated by the destruction of his photo of Bam-Bam. It was more than
he could handle. He was so incensed by the incident, he made a vow to get even with
Bad Ass and company. Not knowing exactly how to seek his revenge, he thought about
it for a long time. It was well known where the trio would hang out after school
along with the various other people they would regularly taunt. Hmm...
On Friday night, Stevie went down to the Tin Head franchise and entered the building using the security access code Jim had showed him. The store was typically empty by 4:00pm on Fridays as customers had concluded their business and gone home for the weekend. On this particular evening, Stevie found the store empty as he entered at 6:00pm. He looked around carefully to make sure nobody was on the premises. The lights in the store were already dimmed to conserve energy and Stevie left them alone. He sat down at a Home unit console and began to program it. If his planned work, he figured he could be in and out of a Tin Head in less than an hour. After entering his ID, setting the timing requirements and other specifications, he was ready to begin the countdown for operations. Before he could push the button though, the store's lights suddenly came on. It was Jim, who had forgotten some paperwork which he wanted to retrieve before going home. As he walked in, he noticed the operating lights around the one Home unit before spotting Stevie. "Stevie, what are you doing here? You know you shouldn't be here at this hour. What's going on?" Stevie gulped and admitted he was there to use a Tin Head. He explained to Jim his run-in with the bullies two days earlier and how they had destroyed his picture of Bam-Bam. It was his plan that he would get into a Tin Head suit, go to where the boys were hanging out, and "teach them a lesson." Jim was disappointed with Stevie, "Don't you know these Tin Heads aren't toys? They're not intended for anything rough and, I'll have you know, they're quite expensive to maintain and fix. Suppose you got in an accident inside one, who's going to pay to have it fixed? Even worse, suppose you injured one of the other boys, do you have any liability insurance? Stevie, I know you may be upset with these thugs, but this is definitely the wrong way of solving your problem." Stevie was very apologetic, "Mr. B, I'm sorry, I didn't think about all that. I was just upset and didn't know how else to get even with those guys." "They're really giving you a bad time are they?" Jim asked. "Very much so," and Stevie began to describe all of the taunting, pushing, and pantsing he had suffered through, as well as the many times he had been shaken down for his lunch money. He also told of how the trio intimidated all of the other students and pulled the wool over the eyes of the teachers and administrators.
"Sounds like a rough lot," Jim sympathized, "Fighting them in a Tin Head
though is not the right answer for solving your problem. Hmm, but perhaps there
is something else we can do."
DT, Smitty, and Bad Ass were hanging out by the corner store hoping to score a cigarette from some older friends who frequented the shop. It was still Friday night, but it was now around 9:00pm. The trio sat at the curb outside the store watching the cars drive by when suddenly they noticed a black stretch limousine approaching which stopped just short of the store. From the curb they could see a chauffeur but the rest of the windows were tinted preventing them from seeing the passengers inside. "What celebrity do you suppose would be cruising around here?" Smitty asked. "It's probably nobody," Bad Ass answered him, "Just some jerk who is lost." Suddenly, the passenger side door opened and out hopped Stevie. "Hey buttheads!" he yelled at the trio. "What is that little dweeb doin' around here?" DT asked. "I don't know," answered Bad Ass, "but he better watch his mouth." Stevie approached them brazenly, "Hi buttheads!" "Who you callin' butthead?" Smitty asked him. "Let's see," and he pointed at them one at a time, "You, you, and you; all three of you." The trio rose to their feet in preparation of pouncing on Stevie. "Yea, I've been looking for you buttheads all night. I've got someone I want you to meet. Come on over to the limo and say hello." The three cautiously followed Stevie to the side door which was still open. Stevie entered first and invited them to get in the limo, "It's okay, I've got a special friend here I want you to meet." The three didn't want to look intimidated and peered inside the limo. "Hi boys, come on in, I want to see you," a Tin Head said in a friendly voice from the back seat. As the boys entered the limo, the Tin Head said, "Boys, I'm Bam-Bam Doggins, a friend of Stevie's and this is an opportunity I have long sought. Please have a seat." "You really expect me to believe you're Bam-Bam Doggins, the world heavyweight champion?" Bad Ass said defiantly. "Frankly boys, I don't care what you believe," the Tin Head said matter-of-factly, "But I am Bam-Bam Doggins and I'm currently over in the Philippines training for my next fight. I happened to get a message from Stevie that he was having some problems in school involving you guys. Obviously there is some sort of misunderstanding between you boys isn't there?" "Ah, yes sir," Bad Ass said realizing it was indeed Bam-Bam in a Tin Head outfit. "Actually, we think the world of Steven here; he's one of our best buddies, isn't that right Stevie?" Stevie just stared back at him emotionless. "That's not how I hear it," Bam-Bam interjected. "I hear you've been shaking him down, pushing him around, even pantsing him. That doesn't sound like good buddies to me. I also heard one of you tore up a signed picture I gave him. That certainly doesn't sit well with me. Which one of you is named Bad Ass?" "That would be me," the boy volunteered reluctantly. "Well, you don't look like much of a Bad Ass to me boy. Do you know how I got the name Bam-Bam? It's not because I've got a good 1-2 combination. Years ago, before I became a boxer, I was fooling around with some friends from school. Somebody pushed me from behind and I turned quickly and hit him so hard, his head bounced off the concrete twice, making a Bam-Bam sound. I'll tell you this, I hope Bam-Bam doesn't have to come down hard on Bad Ass. Now what's your real name?" "Bobby Andrews." "Bobby Andrews, eh? Good name, I like it better than Bad Ass, don't you Stevie?" "Yes, Bam-Bam." "Tell you what, from now on, you're going to drop the Bad Ass and just be called Bobby. Do I make myself clear? Because as far as I'm concerned, you're nobody and you're going nowhere fast. I think it would be wise if you took this opportunity to start anew. Otherwise boys, I can assure you that you will all end up Bam-Bam. Now I want you to apologize to Stevie for all the trouble you've given him and promise me you'll leave him alone." They reluctantly did so. "Good, I'm proud of you boys. I knew you could do it. I just hope this is the last time I'll have to come visit you. Because if I do, I will not be very happy. And you want to keep me happy don't you Bobby?" "Ah, yes sir." "Okay, then you boys can leave now. I hope you'll remember what we talked about tonight." The trio got out of the car. As they did, Bam-Bam rolled his window down and beckoned Bobby to come over to his window where he whispered something in his ear. When he was finished, the limo pulled away from the curb slowly and slipped off into the night. "What was that all about?" Smitty asked. Bobby was still surprised what he had just heard. "He told me he also had a little talk with my old man tonight and told him to keep his hands off of me, otherwise he would be Bam-Bamed. I guess he wasn't a bad guy after all." Inside the limousine, Bam-Bam asked Stevie, "How did I do?" "You were great champ. I really appreciate it." Bam-Bam then tapped on the front window which then rolled down revealing Jim as the chauffeur. "How did I do Jim?" he asked. "Great Bam-Bam, I can't thank you enough for all you have done." "It's the least I could do for you Jim," Bam-Bam said, "Well then, if you guys don't mind, I'll power down the suit and go home. I've got a big day tomorrow in Manila." "No problem Bam-Bam," Jim said, "We can take it from here." Bam-Bam turned and shook hands with Jim, then shook Stevie's hand, gave him a wink and a big smile, before shutting down the suit. The unit then sat there in the limo as an empty shell. Bam-Bam was gone. "Mr. B," Stevie said, "Tell me again, how do you know Bam-Bam." "Well Stevie, you have to remember Bam-Bam is a very big celebrity and Tin Head Industries pays him a lot of money to be a spokesman for the company. I'm sure you've probably seen his commercials. I just called our agency and they put me in touch with him." "Really, he would do all this for some kid he doesn't know." Jim became somewhat introspective, "Well Stevie, do you remember how he was describing how he got the name Bam-Bam?" "Yes?"
"Well, I was the guy he knocked down years ago hitting my head on the concrete.
I almost died that night, but he got me to a hospital. He felt really bad about it and
ever since then he said he owed me something. Tonight he did a little payback."
Stevie's relationship with the bullies vastly improved following Bam-Bam's visit.
One day he opened his locker and was surprised to find his autographed photo of
Bam-Bam carefully taped back together. It didn't look as good as it did originally,
but it was the thought that mattered to Stevie.
NEXT UP: "EPISODE 10 - THE EVANGELIST" - One man's campaign to preach the gospel. Keep the Faith!
Any reproduction of this material, in part or in full, without the expressed written permission of
Tim Bryce is strictly prohibited.
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies.
"Tin Heads" is the trademark of Tim Bryce.
Copyright © 2010 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
Mr. Bryce's articles are available for SYNDICATION |
FEEDBACK
An B.D. of Chicago, Illinois wrote... "Perhaps the best part to this one was Bam-Bam's talk to Bas Ass' father. I wish there were more talks like that."
EPISODE 8 - FINDING TRUE LOVE - July 28th An R.G. of London, UK wrote... "Lovely story. I like how you found a way for the two to get together. Kensington Park, eh?"
EPISODE 7 - REUNION - July 26th An R.C. of Los Angeles, California wrote... "I really liked the message you communicated through this episode. Very nice."
EPISODE 6 - THE PROBLEM WITH PERFECTION - July 23rd An M.D. of Buffalo, New York wrote... "Wow, interesting ending. I didn't see that coming." An M.O. of Tweed Heads South, NSW, Australia wrote... "Just loving it all Tim!"
EPISODE 5 - THE GETAWAY - July 19th A G.L. of Tampa, Florida wrote... "Where do you find the time to do everything you do? I have really enjoyed the Tin Head articles you have been sending."
EPISODE 4 - THE EPIPHANY - July 16th An M.D. of Buffalo, New York wrote... "This hit close to home as I know someone like this in my own office."
EPISODE 3 - THE FIVE WAY - July 13th An M.D. of Buffalo, New York wrote... "Wow, I didn't see that coming. I laughed out loud." An S.S. of Boise, Idaho wrote... "Loved it! Only a Cincinnati native would pick the title, 'The Five Way.'"
EPISODE 2 - THE FINAL SALUTE - July 9th An M.D. of Buffalo, New York wrote... "Very touching story. Interesting use of the Tin Head." A J.P. of Toronto, Ontario wrote... "Soon, now, all of that generation will have departed this world, the good guys and the bad guys, the victims, villains, heroes, cowards and ordinary participants. Then, the Second World War will become, truly, history - an event no living person experienced directly."
EPISODE 1 - WHAT IS A TIN HEAD? - July 6th A W.B. of Texas wrote... "Tim, I am really glad to see you launch this project. I think it will do very well. For those visiting this site, I strongly encourage this read as it is humorous, well-developed in terms of both story line and characters. Tim's style of writing will totally pull you into the story line and keep your imagination stirred. This is a read well-worth your time! Enjoy!" An E.M. of Paris, France wrote... "Nice post. I liked the part when you wrote about robots. I guess the book will be certainly interesting. Thanks." An M.D. of Buffalo, New York wrote... "Wow, interesting concept. I wish we had Tin Heads now. It would sure eliminate a lot of grief." An R.C. of Los Angeles, California wrote... "Nice read. I don't really see this as science fiction as it is not too far off base. I'll be curious to see what the next episode on Iwo Jima is all about." A T.K. of Zephyrhills, Florida wrote... "Well done Mr Tin Head. I'll buy it when finished." A J.S. of Skidway Lake, Michigan wrote... "I can see this happening in the near future. Teleconferences and webcams are only the beginning!" An S.B. of Oregon wrote... "Congrats for all of the work you've done on your book and best wishes." An F.G. of Windham, Maine wrote... "Great concept, good writing style."
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Tim Bryce Find me in Facebook Find me in LinkedIn Find me on Twitter |
Follow the writings of Palm Harbor resident Tim Bryce, a writer and management consultant who writes commentaries about the times we live in and management concepts. His writings are well known on the Internet and are humorous, educational, and at times controversial. You won't always agree with him, but Tim will definitely get you thinking. Tim is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA), an international management consulting firm located in Palm Harbor. A seasoned writer, Tim's works have appeared in management and computing publications all over the world. His book, "The IRM Revolution: Blueprint for the 21st Century" made the Top 10 list of management books in Japan. His recent eBook, "THE BRYCE IS RIGHT! Empowering Managers in today's Corporate Culture," has also received critical acclaim. Tim's blogs and podcasts are read and listened to by thousands. For Tim's professional bio, click HERE. TO REQUEST TIM AS A SPEAKER, CLICK HERE.
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