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One of the most embarrassing customs we have in this country is fighting over the bill at a restaurant. It's one thing for someone to pick up the check in its entirety, quite another when we start to fight over who should pay what. When someone picks up the whole check, it's usually done for business purposes, a date, a celebration, or as a term of endearment (meaning, "I enjoy your company and it would be an honor if you would allow me to pay the bill"). Under this scenario, the other party will inevitably reciprocate the next time you go out. If they do not, it's time to find another friend. Aside from this, the real problem comes when we try to split hairs over the check. The bill should, of course, be reviewed for accuracy, but I have been with people who like to put everything under a microscope and fight with the waiter or waitress over every nickel, thereby turning a pleasant evening into an uncomfortable inquisition. It's one thing to be frugal, quite another to be cheap (Jack Benny preferred the word "penurious"). I never understood the logic of having one bill for a large group of people who are going to pay separately. Inevitably, someone appoints him/herself as the head bookkeeper and instructs everyone what they owe, rather loudly I might add. Everybody at the table then knows who the big spenders are, as well as the tightwads. Why not have separate checks and save everyone the embarrassment? It might be a headache for the waiter or waitress, but no more than having someone run a P & L statement on you over the PA system. Most of the time, people will simply split the bill evenly, which is easy for the waiter to do, and provides an equitable solution for all of the parties involved, unless one of the parties is keeping a scorecard on who ate and drank what, thereby feeling cheated by a 50/50 split. In this situation, have the waiter split the check accordingly and avoid creating any ill-will. The last thing that could potentially turn ugly when multiple parties are involved is calculating the tip. Under a 50/50 split, both parties should theoretically give the same amount (assuming they are both satisfied with the service provided). If one person gives more than another, than the waiter will most likely think one person is cheaper than the other (or more generous than the other depending on your perspective). When we share a meal with others, the general idea is to relax and have a good time. Consequently, paying the bill should be handled with finesse and grace, not embarrassment. Perhaps the best way to develop indigestion is to fight over a lousy bill which would certainly defeat the purpose of going out together. Keep the faith! Note: All trademarks both marked and unmarked belong to their respective companies. Copyright © 2010 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved. NEXT UP: "CERTIFICATION PROGRAMS" - are they worth the paper they are written on? COMMENTS ABOUT THIS ESSAY? Mr. Bryce's articles are available for SYNDICATION |
FEEDBACK
A J.R. of Okanogan, Washington wrote... "If it was that simple. There is always the individual that has a few beers or a couple of mix drinks that other feel they should not pay for but that individual sees nothing wrong with splitting the check evenly. Yes, there was a time when a individual picked up the check during a business meeting. Now there is a corporate policies that forbid this type of action. As I discovered recently at a business luncheon. Then the final blow to this article is when you are visiting family or friends or when they visit you. One feels obligated to treat and expect you to do the same when they visit. During today's economy this may be feasible for some but not in all cases. So to avoid the headache get separate checks or have a barbecue at home when family and friends visit." An A.S. of Palm Harbor, Florida wrote... "I thought it was a good article and topic. However, for me, it fell short of what I was looking for. Although, I couldn't agree more, the lnguering question for me is who should pick up the check at first when two single people meet for the first time, e.g., a dating site rendezvous. It seems the male/female roles are blurring more and more. Much so I can't see the differences any longer. Maybe all this is due to the liberation of the 'woman.' I need clarification in this new age attitude before I pull my perverbial hair from my scalp." An C.J. of Tennessee wrote... "I will not participate In that sort of thing at all!! I really hate to be embarrassed at a restaurant." An M.B. of Clearwater, Florida wrote... "You pointed out that when one party pays the whole check, the other party should pay the next time. I agree. We have a constant problem with this regarding our best friends, who are much better off than we are and insist on paying all the time. It is not their fault that they are better off, and we really want to pay sometimes, but they absolutely refuse, which makes us feel like chumps. They just had to take massive pay cuts at work, but they are still insisting on paying the whole bill. I've resorted to sending her flowers, making donations to charities in their name, etc. but I wish they'd just let us pay the damn bill once in awhile. Sigh." An E.T. of Weirton, West Virginia wrote... "I agree again. The trouble is no one wants to be obligated. Personally if I pick up the tab I don't wait for someone to repay. I know what no strings attached means and live by it. I do not expect return on my generosity exceot a thank you." A J.U. of Palm Harbor, Florida wrote... "Tim, this needs to be a mandatory part of the education in High School!" An M.R. of Oregon wrote... "Oh wow, we had to give our two boys and their friend a lesson on bill manors at one place! I will not be embarrassed by kids. The kids know this! However their friend did not. Being 17, this friend needs to know what manors are. He picked up the bill, announced how much it was to eat out these days at such a place, and started complaining about this and that. This is not the way my kids act. So I really was surprised! Taken off guard I guess is an accurate thing to say. We took care of everything, got him to a truck and I got my point across, but I do not think I was mean about it, but if his own parents did not teach the kid, who was going too?? I will not go out with anyone if I do not have the money to cover everything in my own pocket." A B.P. from the Netherlands wrote... "Some advice from a Dutchman; Go Dutch."
YOU'RE FROM WHERE? - February 5th An M.M. of Colorado Springs, Colorado wrote... "The 'eh' and 'a-boot' are frequently used in the 'North country' (that part of Vermont that is North of Rutland. I also hear it a bit in Northern NY state and in Western Canada. Seems to correspond with areas settled by lots of Scots." A J.D. of Land O Lakes, Florida wrote... "Love accents and dialects! Originally from Boston myself. I went to college on Long Island (Lawn Guyland). There are a few different words that were the cause of frustration at first, like a water fountain, which is called a 'bubbler' in Boston. I discovered that LI'ers say 'source' and 'sauce' exactly the same. Having to adapt, I now carry no accent. But, put me in a room of Bostonians, and I can easily revert to my roots." A Mar. of Palm Harbor wrote... "Great article. I love and research language. It's interesting to explore. For example, in the Mid East, they claim many forms of Arabic and they think of these as different languages; however, if we treated it the same way in America, then we would be speaking different languages in Texas and New Jersey. It's just dialect but still the same language. What's the importance? The mindset of thinking of it as different languages in the MidEast causes a separation -- "You speak a different Arabic than I." (And, I've heard that said.) We don't do that in America. although, there have been prejudices on accents, it is not as prevalent because we don't think of it as a separate language; we stay bonded as one country, one language. (Oh. Another topic. How about that one, Tim?) It is also interesting how our languages are melding together. In Europe, everyone says "Ciao". There are many examples. Personally, I love it!" An M.H. of Palm Harbor, Florida wrote... "Great article. I love and research language. It's interesting to explore. For example, in the MidEast, they claim many forms of Arabic and they think of these as different languages; however, if we treated it the same way in America, then we would be speaking different languages in Texas and New Jersey. It's just dialect but still the same language. What's the importance? The mindset of thinking of it as different languages in the MidEast causes a separation - 'You speak a different Arabic than I.' (And, I've heard that said.) We don't do that in America. Although there have been prejudices on accents, it is not as prevalent because we don't think of it as a separate language; we stay bonded as one country, one language. (Oh. Another topic. How about that one, Tim?) It is also interesting how our languages are melding together. In Europe, everyone says 'Ciao'. There are many examples. Personally, I love it!" An R.H. of Camden, Maine wrote... "Ayuh, right on. Radio & TV have done a lot to blur the differences, but still 'a chunk of wood' is only used on the Midcoast & Downeast Maine." A J.U. of Palm Harbor, Florida wrote... "And in Minnesota that say 'You Know'." An M.B. of Clearwater, Florida wrote... "Maybe because it's one place you never lived you forgot the northern midwest, where we uplift our inflections at the end of each sentence, as if every sentence were a question. (See the fabulous movie 'Fargo' for endless examples). Wisconsin, my home, is pronounced 'Wisgonsin' up there. Milwaukee has a peculiarity of adding 'AAAA' to place emphasis on what is being said, often preceeded by an expletive. Example: Person #1: 'It's really cold out today'. Person #2: 'F*in' AAAA'." An I.R. of the United Kingdom wrote... "Local accents are different, even over very short distances. I can tell whether someone is from the centre of Edinburgh or from the countryside around the city - a matter of less than 5 miles. Ditto those from Aberdeen and those from Aberdeenshire. Edinburgh and Glasgow are only a handful of miles apart - but the accents are markedly different. England is the same."
VoIP NOW MEANS BUSINESS - February 3rd A D.T. of Raleigh, North Carolina wrote... "A former employer (about 550 employees over 12 geographically dispersed regional divisions) was an early adopter of a corporate VOIP solution. They sold their old PBX phone equipment and leased new Cisco gear. They realized ROI in the first 18 months - the largest cost savings being in long distance calls and Fax-to-PC/PC-to-fax services. Other solutions abound, too. Vonage is well established, Skype has voice and video features, and GoogleVoice brings a lot of new and exciting features to the market (currently in Beta). Many regional cable companies offer digital phone in addition to their other products. Shop wisely, but either way, the days of the land line are coming to an end." A P.G. of New Jersey wrote... "Good piece Tim, by the way VOIP providers usually offer several kinds of call blocking and caller ID. We also trained everyone not to answer if there was no ID or an unrecognized ID, just let it go to voice mail. We changed over to VOIP lines about five years ago, and still have a Vonage line for my wife's business. When ATT cancelled their VOIP service, we dropped our 'house' phone completely. Now all we pay for is cell phones." An S.S. of Tamarac, Florida wrote... "Tim: Thanks for the great review of the Broadview product, it is a pleasure having someone like yourself appreciate what we are trying to accomplish in bringing the latest technology and convenience of 'big business' features to the small and medium business community. Sorry we cannot filter those 'telephone spammers' yet, but give me a little time and we will try." A G.V. of San Diego, California wrote... "I have used VOIP for the past five years, which includes Vonage, Lingo and MagicJack. I have used some others but they seem to have disappeared. Probably the most economical and portable is MagicJack. There are limitiations, but it is an exceptopnal business tool. Most offer some form of international plan of which I am not particularly interested." An A.G. of Alberta, Canada wrote... "Skye - unlimited long distance foe $ 3.50 per month, can't be beat!" An O.B. of Perry, Georgia wrote... "I like Skype..easy to use, good file transfer rate and good video conferences..I am sure there are better but so far my use of Skype is free, I do not use to make regular calls but it does have that capability and I have received may call from around the world from folks using the program." A J.S. of Skidway Lake, Michigan wrote... "It sounds like this technology has made great progress."
ADAPTING TO THE CORPORATE CULTURE - February 1st A C.J. of Indiana wrote... "I have only worked at two places, and the last place that I worked at was an awesome place. All the people that I worked with we're all compatible with one another and the manager was very good at judging people and would evaluate personalities before hiring someone. It was nice job to have." A D.T. of Raleigh, North Carolina wrote... "There is almost always a gap between leadership and management. Some of the worst offenses contributing to the erosion of the corporate culture occur when a manager tries to be 'one of the guys' when it comes to enforcing policy or corporate decisions. You won't be an effective manager if you complain to your reports about how your vacation plans also got cut short due to a company need or event. 'Yeah I know it stinks, but we have to do it... the boss says...' - should never come from your manager. My company recently went through a reorganization, which resulted in almost 33% of our technical staff becoming jobless, and one manager was heard complaining to their direct reports how they were also on the potential chopping block. You can't lead through sympathy, and you can't manage by guilt. Managers need to 'cowboy up' and be the role models for their direct reports." An O.B. of Perry, Georgia wrote... "Adapting to the corporate Culture. An oxymoron maybe? When I went to Dallas to an office full of corporate type folks and me coming from the floor, there was great animosity among all the folks that worked there. The manager was an easy going fellow and nice as he could be, However the climate was electric sparks most of the time. Some of the folks had been there for 17 year and others 10 or twelve, but none worked really well together and it was a tough scene. I pondered that I could accept the atmosphere as status quo and go my separate way as the others in group of I could change the climate. Being the newcomer, I had very little say in what went on. But I studied each individual to find their likes and dislikes and what their passion were, like golf, bowling, sports fans and others, I an none of those, (I am one of those odd ducks that likes to work and these guys were making it hard on me to do my job as I need their co-operation and collaboration). I took it upon myself to learn a little of each of their passions and that gave me some common ground with each of them. By being cheerful all of the time. and Asking their help instead of telling them it was their job to help me, I gained several friends and did things in the office to bring them all in for a project, like a office cleaning and re-arranging, and some think tank projects, all clear of course with the manager as he was busy and did not have the time to work on projects. It took a year to see things start to run smoother and another year to make the office productive. The atmosphere when I left was congenial and comfortable and a pleasure to work with the folks and to see them working with each other. So many employees make the job a competitive place instead of a helping place, but patience and the drive to make smooth the rough waters goes a long way. But make no mistake about it, it is hard work for a manager and most have not idea how to achieve it. The transformation starts when the manager realizes he is on the bottom not the top. He is the support of the team and his job is to make sure the team works together well. When he learns to ask how he can help and gathers his group to ask for their input and then uses that input to make a smoother operation. There is a magic in seeing the transformation take place. It does not take a magician to accomplish it but it does take a person that cares for the people that work for him. I wish you could have seen my Civilian crew in Japan in the late 60s and early 70s, Three hundred men working as well oiled machine that got the work out ahead of schedule with zero defects. These were men that came from all walks of life and hired at random because they needed bodies more then skilled workmen. At the end of the contract I had 300 skilled workers. All because I simply told them that their job depended on how well they worked with each other. The each had a job to do and when that job was completed they no longer had to remain on the job, but the very minute that the next aircraft pulled into the hangar they were on top of it and working like hell to get it done and done right. They developed teams of their own helping other to complete their task so they could have time off together. I wish that I had videoed the teams at work. I consider that one of my greatest accomplishments. It was a work of love, and caring and teaching. Each leaned the skill of the other so that if one was out sick we could cover with out losing time. Of course there were special skills that only a few had the skills to perform, but the main work of dis-assembly and re-assembly was the bulk of the work. So the majority of the folks became plain ole good mechanics. A real one-of-a-kind situation. I have applied that technique every where I have worked and for the most part I succeeded to make my work place healthier but making it happier. I am now retired, but I still have contacts with many of the folks that worked for me, and when I encounter them I here some of my words of advice being repeated, Keep on writing my friend, you post great knowledge."
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Tim Bryce Find me in Facebook Find me in LinkedIn Find me on Twitter |
Follow the writings of Palm Harbor resident Tim Bryce, a writer and management consultant who writes commentaries about the times we live in and management concepts. His writings are well known on the Internet and are humorous, educational, and at times controversial. You won't always agree with him, but Tim will definitely get you thinking. Tim is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA), an international management consulting firm located in Palm Harbor. A seasoned writer, Tim's works have appeared in management and computing publications all over the world. His book, "The IRM Revolution: Blueprint for the 21st Century" made the Top 10 list of management books in Japan. His recent eBook, "THE BRYCE IS RIGHT! Empowering Managers in today's Corporate Culture," has also received critical acclaim. Tim's blogs and podcasts are read and listened to by thousands. For Tim's professional bio, click HERE.
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This web page contains links to the various writings of Tim Bryce which can be divided into two sections: Bryce's Columns and Bryce's Management Papers. Whereas the Columns are editorial in nature, the Management Papers offer sound advice on general management related issues. All papers are available for republication, but only with the expressed written consent of the author. Copyright notation of the author (as found on the specific paper) and any pertinent trademark or service mark must be observed. When reproducing an article, please add: Article reprinted with permission of the author. Please forward the author a copy of the publication when it is produced, either by e-mail or, if printed, by mail.
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